


Capsicum

by basslined



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2018-05-26 01:00:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6217306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basslined/pseuds/basslined
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murderface has the brilliant idea of challenging everyone to a pepper-eating contest of sorts, much to Charles' dismay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Capsicum

**Author's Note:**

> An old fic from 2013, reposted here.

The morning meeting was, as usual, interrupted, much to Charles' dismay. It hadn't even been three minutes in before the boys had gotten distracted this time. It must've been a new record.

"Itsch a bag of dried ghoscht peppersch, what the fuck does it look like?!"

"Yeah, but the question I'm asking is why. Not that I really give a shit, but I want to know. Why."

"I wasch watching that asschole from the Travel Channel trying to eat an entire bowl of chili and it was full of 'em. Do you know how many chicksch he got after he finisched? Like, three!"

"But we can get any chicks we want anyway. We're Dethklok."

"You're missching the point!" Nathan just grumbled a 'hmnn' in response. It just proved to further frustrate Murderface who was obviously intent on whatever plan he'd come up with involving the peppers on the table.

Pickles chimed in then, "well, whaddya expect us t'do with 'em then?"

"We should have a contescht and schee who can last the longescht without puking or otherwise," Murderface answered, as though it were obvious.

"Absolutely not. What, do you think we're fucking idiots or something? Do you even know how hot they are?"

"You juscht know that you're going to lose." Nathan furrowed his brows then and Murderface knew that he'd hit the competitive side buried deep inside him.

"Fine, alright? Fine. I'll fucking do it, but don't go fucking crying like a pissbaby because you lost."

Toki slammed his hand on the table in amusement. "Haha! Pissbabies!"

"I don't, uh, really think that's a great idea. You do realize that they're the hottest peppers in the world, don't you?" Charles tried, though he was ignored as the bassist pried open the bag and passed it around.

"I'm afraid that you'll find that _I_ will be the particular victor in thisch challenge," he stated, waving the one he had in his fingers. He waited until the bag had been evenly distributed before speaking again, "beschidesch, I've been practisching."

"How d'you practice fer somethin' like this?"

"Ja, seems a littles suspisticals, you know," Skwisgaar added, eyeballing his own.

"It'sch not suschpiciousch at all! I've watched the epischode like five timesch! I'm prepared!" he snapped.

"I wouldn't really constitute watching someone else do something as, uh, a means of preparation, William," Charles said, "in fact, I would really advise against this entire thing and prefer that we get back on topic."

"HEY. Hey. We can't back out now, this is a war. Alright? A war between men."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Charles conceded. There really was no arguing when it came to the five and really stupid ideas.

"Let'sch get on with it already, jeeeez!"

On a five-count, they all popped them into their mouths, chewing and swallowing. Charles just sat back and waited for the regret to finally sink in; he wanted the satisfaction of seeing them suffer. This was probably the stupidest thing since the defibrillator.

Pickles broke the silence first. "It's naht even that hot. I thought you said dey were th' hottest peppers outta any of 'em; what a let down."

"Yeah, seriously. It even has an okay flavor. I guess. For...dried shit...hrm." Nathan paused for a moment, before his face started to flush and he looked as though he were having a little difficulty swallowing. "...Actually, you know what? I take that back. It tastes like I just fucking swallowed lava."

"I feels like I'm unsides ofs a saunas," Toki cried, coughing and whimpering in intervals, though it was arguable as to whether the latter sounds were actually being uttered by Skwisgaar, who had his face in his hands.

"Who the fuck poured a bucket of water down my back?!" Murderface howled, sweat dripping from his face. "Who'sch fucking idea wasch thisch?! I'll fucking kill whichever one of you asscholes wanted to do thisch!" Nathan proceeded to shoot him the most poisonous look he could muster with the tears welling up in his eyes.

Charles cleared his throat, being the only one capable of answering. "Well, I believe that you were the one who initiated this."

"Yer supposed t'tell us naht to do this sorta shit! _Where were you!_ " Pickles wheezed.

"I did warn you. All of you. But you didn't listen. Like usual."

Toki and Skwisgaar had moved to cling to each other, fingers digging into one anothers' backs as if they would float away and melt into the sun if they let go. Skwisgaar was quietly repeating "mjölk" over and over again like a mantra into Toki's shoulder.

"It won't do much good, but I'll have someone go fetch you some." Charles shuffled the papers in front of him back into a manila folder before getting up from his seat. "Good, uh, luck. With all of that. I hope you all learned your lesson."

He left the band at the table, a small smile on his face.


End file.
